the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
