Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
