i just had sex bonerless
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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