FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize