she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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