Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize