i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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