my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
