There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
