Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
