i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
