last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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