I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
