Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
