First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize