another moral hangover. fuck.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
