it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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