Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
