It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
