my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
