And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
