It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
