tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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