I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
