You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
