"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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