shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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