he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
