i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
