Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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