It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
