I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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