I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
