I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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