It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
