he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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