super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
