peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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