best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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