The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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