Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jerry, you need to find god
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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