after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
