Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
