I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
