My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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