Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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