I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
