Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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