Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
