is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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