I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
