If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
