You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
