if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
