I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize