and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
