he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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