people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
