I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
