what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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