if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
