turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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