You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
