Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
