Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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