words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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