If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
