flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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