apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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