She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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