I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
