Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
