I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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