Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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