Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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