Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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