Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
