I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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