I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
