those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
