I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
