I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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