i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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