Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
