I got chris browned last night
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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