Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
