I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
