hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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