Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
