TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
