Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
