My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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