i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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