Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
