Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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